I Quit!

 

Quitting jobs is not my style – or so I’d like to think. I know I did it once when I was still at university. I took on a factory job for the holidays and lasted 7 or 8 days. It involved mindless feeding of sheets of metal into a machine that cut them into the required size. And stacking the cut sheets. Hour after hour. I guess I was doing it for extra travel money but at some point in the middle of the working day I realised I was not enjoying it and that I didn’t need to do it. In my memory I simply walked off the job and out the door and never returned.

Fast forward 50 years. I have been working on a fascinating project assisting in the deployment of technology solutions for remote locations in the Pacific. I loved the work, and the project’s aims, but I was working with a project manager who eventually made the job a misery.

It started out OK. We met mostly online but did spend a whole day face to face early in the project that was pleasant and productive. Things started to go adrift when this project manager – let’s call her Joy – didn’t seem to have a grasp of some of the basics of the technology we were working with. This was fair enough as she had only recently started working with it whereas I’d had twenty years’ experience using this technology. She wasn’t much interested in hearing what I might know about it. Rather she launched herself on a crash course and impressively learnt a great deal about the technology in a very short time. The problem was she then started to behave as if she was the expert on it, disagreeing with me about how it might be employed and using different terminology to the standard ways of referring to various processes. In short, it wasn’t long before I started to feel like she was always right and I was always wrong. In addition, I felt like she was unilaterally making wrong decisions and rising roughshod over whatever I thought should happen.

I began to drift away on my own and do things the way I preferred to do them. I was a little unfair to Joy as I let her think I agreed with her about certain things but then went ahead and ignored her. This I see now was foolish. She was however very hard to reason with because as I said, she was always right.

This project had many stakeholders. The company we worked for, the relevant education department of the country concerned, and the users/owners of the technology in various locations around the world. My preferred method would have been to enter discussions with these various stakeholders and together craft a plan of action and implementation. I was however effectively blocked from communicating with any of these third parties. Joy did all the negotiations and I was fed dribs and drabs of relevant information in haphazard fashion. I was very uncomfortable about this – I did not think it was appropriate for me to be parachuted in after all these discussions to help deploy the technology when I had not been party to any of the lead-up discussions. I felt sidelined.

So, because I had been over-ruled on many issues,  barred from any meaningful discussion with stakeholders, micromanaged by a project manager who just seemed to think I was there to do her bidding, and feeling very much undervalued I was already quite stressed about the job and no longer enjoying it. As I saw it, I had been employed to perform a task that she had taken over.

And then came the bombshell. “Michael” - as a friend she said – “do you think it’s possible that you might be forgetting things?”  I couldn’t believe my ears. She thinks I’m old and forgetful! I can see why she’d think that – that was a consequence of me ignoring things she said and just going my own way. But the dam wall had burst. Bottom line? She didn’t trust me, and I could no longer feel sure about anything I said around her.

I have always prided myself on the fact that I am not afraid to admit mistakes; I don’t mind admitting I don’t know things; I don’t mind coming across as imperfect – I have often forgotten things over the years, or have needed others to point out where I have gone wrong. That is part of working successfully with others – being able to learn from and with others. But now I had to be perfect. No mistakes, slips of the tongue, lost emails, wrong dates, getting someone’s name wrong – none of this could happen or I’d be written off as old and forgetful.

So I quit. I quit what was potentially a really exciting and rewarding project. I just couldn’t work with her anymore. Frankly I don’t think she wanted to work with me anymore either because she seemed to think she knew it all and I just got in her way.

It must be said that after having worked as a leader in my field with quite a lot of responsibility – I had project managed several national projects with groups of up to 20 people over the years – I found it very difficult to be play second fiddle to someone half my age, who was a new kid on the technology block, and who did not appear to respect my experience or judgement.

So – am I forgetting things? Probably. But that’s not new. And besides, that’s for others to tell  …..

 

The Music of Joni Mitchell - A Case of You (review from 2016)

The Jade Monkey, Wed 17 Feb

It’s fortunate that Deborah Brennan fell in love with the music of Joni Mitchell as a teenager – that’s allowed her a long time to internalise the soul and spirit of the Canadian folk singer. And she’s done a remarkable job of reproducing her individual and idiosyncratic vocal style. Some might criticise the fact that she stayed so close to the original vocal arrangements, but in concert with her capable backing band it felt like their music and it was quite infectious.
Mastering the vocal techniques required to adequately sing Joni Mitchell is one thing, but being able to convey the emotion embodied within the songs is what made this performance so good. By the time Brennan got to You Turn Me On I’m A Radio I had stopped comparing her to Joni Mitchell and was just moved by her own interpretations and depth of feeling. Beautiful to watch and beautiful to listen to.
The show included many of Mitchell’s better known songs. If I had to select one as the show’s highlight it was probably the title track – A Case Of You.
Deborah Brennan was initially attracted to Mitchell because she sang of the tension between wanting to travel and being homesick when away from home (Urge For Going), and because she sang from the perspective of a woman – a rarity back in the male dominated ‘70s.
Kudos to her for not tugging on the emotional heart strings and not mentioning that Joni Mitchell is currently learning to talk again as a result of a massive stroke. It would have been an easy card to play but they didn’t need it. They focused instead on the impressive body of work of an extraordinary artist, and did a fantastic job of conveying that artistry to a contemporary audience. Really well done.

This review also published in The Clothesline.